When is mediation useful?

​​Paz Seeker 

Mediation conducted by a trained mediator experienced in maintaining a posture supportive to all participants and not giving advice, judgments or counsel, can be useful wherever there is conflict that is not resulting in constructive change.

People generally deal successfully with small conflicts that arise in daily interactions and maintain relationships successfully while doing so.  But relationships can break down, gradually or suddenly, and create a crisis in the way people interact.  People search for ways out of the crisis situation because it is uncomfortable, 

Assistance in resolving such a situation can not only relieve the tension of the immediate conflict situation, but also better prepare people to deal more constructively with the next one.

Common situations where mediation is useful  include :

• divorce and separation, especially where children are involved and there is a need of ongoing co-parenting or 'parallel parenting'.  Whether parents are married or not, separation and divorce bring important and difficult changes to a family structure and children are usually the most affected, even if they cannot make any decisions.  Studies show that children are mostly affected by contentious situations between their parents, often feel responsible and are troubled by feelings of conflicts of loyalty,
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• Cross border family disputes.  Worldwide mobility has increased the number of couples of different nationalities while the number of separations and divorces is also on the rise. The particularity of these situations from other family situations includes​ the need to deal with two different legal systems, the diverse cultures and primary languages of the parties, important geographical distances between the parents, and the fear for both parents of losing frequent contact with their children, often creating high conflict situations.​ The Hague Convention treaties of 1980 (on the removal of children from their habitual place of residence) and 1996 (concerning parental responsibility and children's rights) as well as the European Counsel Regulation known as Brussels II (bis and ter) provide some legal framework for how decisions will be taken), but mediation can be helpful :
  • ​At the outset of a separation to prevent a situation qualified as child abduction by one of the parents
    
  • During a legal proceeding for return of a child, to help the parents determine the organisation of the living situation for the future for them and their child
    
  • After a legal decision to return a child is made, in order to help the parents work out together how the return of the child will be carried out in a least conflictual way possible
    
  • At anytime the parents realise that the conflict between them is harming the well being of the children
    
    
• Couples mediation, where couples find themselves frequently in conflict and are not determined to separate or divorce. This is different from therapy for couples and is not intended as a replacement.  But sometimes 3 to 5 sessions of mediation can help couples better listen to each other, uncover conflicting needs, identify if either party is not willing to work on any identified issues and whether this would be a showstopper for the other.  If this is not the case, they can mediate concrete positive means to address the identified issues for both in ways that both agree meet their needs.
  
  
• Parent - youth conflicts.  Parenting is not an easy task and it is sometimes difficult to understand the changes children are going through and why they behave the way they do.  Again, this is not intended to replace family counselling.  But a few mediation sessions help open up communication channels, and help those involved find more constructive ways to communicate and negotiate different opinions and understand common interests and goals.
   
• Extended family situations where decisions are necessary and family members are in conflict about what to do.  If family members are willing to come together, mediation can assist in ensuring that all members are heard, and alternatives are explored and evaluated.   Mediation can help family members who have avoided each other or those difficult conversations for many years to come together in a more constructive dialogue.
  
  
• Neighbor disputes: in situations where neighbors do not see eye to eye, close proximity can cause ongoing tensions, stress and bad feelings, which can even lead to costly legal disputes or negative retaliatory actions.  A mediated discussion between or among the parties involved can help improve the dialogue among the parties, the understanding of why they behave as they do or what the impact is on the other parties, identify common interests and goals, and improve the ongoing relationship.

• Workplace Conflict; Similarly to neighbor or family disputes, conflict between people who must continue to work closely together can result in stress and tension, a negative work environment and have a serious impact on the productivity of a business.